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Every love story has its own beauty and charm. No matter if we hear, see, or read thousands of them, the only one that is dearest to us is the one which is ours.

One friend of mine wanted to write about a love story, she approached me and I was clueless, “I have my own unfinished love story. Would you be interested in that?” I replied, thinking she would obviously say NO. “I would love to write about it” She replied.

Since it was a promise, I decided to write my own love story. I thought for hours and hours… thinking from the very first moment I was born…till today…  and I could just come up with two lines “I did not do anything in life besides loving him. And he did everything in life besides loving me” end of story. PERIOD

“Obviously I can’t elaborate this into 4-5 pages” I thought.

I did need to give her a story…. “But How could I give my story? I do not have a love story, even though I loved someone so dearly and insanely… I did not have any story to share. What am I gonna give to her. I promised her a story” I thought

I sat for long hours, looking at the monitor screen and thinking what to write. The words were just not pouring out. Realising the malfunctioning of my own thoughts, I went for a long walk with my diary and pencil and still I could not build up a story.

And here it is what all I could develop…

So she said, ‘See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.’
But Ruth said, ‘Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;  
where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
  and your God my God.
Where you die, I will die—
  there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
  and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!’

Ruth 1:15-18

Its struggle in life started from the very first moment even as a sperm. It was the fastest sperm to be fertilised. The parents, who were already blessed with two baby boys, did not want another child in the family. Two children seemed enough to them. So, when they got the news of expecting their third child, they were stunned and displeased.

Since they were expecting the third unwanted one, they wanted it to be a girl this time. “It will complete the whole family” They thought.

A continuous series of praying… worshiping started for the baby to be a girl. The mother crossed the ninth month… and the most unwanted child in the family  became the most awaited one.

AND, In the tenth month… Finally… It came….

My goodness gracious…. It was a GIRL. Sent on this earth against all odds. God just wanted her to be here.

Even though she was an unwanted child in the beginning, she became her daddy’s apple of the eye and the dearest toy of her brothers. She was cared and pampered like a princess. For her the best time of the day was when she would lie down beside her dad on the bed and put her head on his stomach and hear the funny sounds the stomach makes.

She would ask silly questions to her dad, for her, he was her hero.. her man.. her Superman. She did not need any google search, she would just shoot her dad with all the questions that popped up in her tiny miny mind, he had answers to all the problems of her life.

That little bundle of joy always lived in her fairytale world… everything around her made her the innocent one ever. She believed in life, love and miracles. Life was perfect. Her parents taught her to be honest and true… always. She was taught that life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

Being born as the only girl child in the neighbourhood, she enjoyed an extra attention and pampering amongst all the boys. She did not know how it was to be different. She treated herself as a guy only. When she used to see other girls doing girlie things,  it made her uncomfortable… a sense of great insignificance would creep into. But, with time, she  tamed herself to be a perfect blend of boyish girl.

She enjoyed being in her own fools paradise. She continuously told everyone that she will never fall for anyone, and even if she will.. she would not let the guy know ever. Having a guy in her life had always made her uncomfortable.

“I, romantically involved with a guy!.. horrifying thought” she used to say.

She never knew what it means to be in love, for her, Namastey London was the perfect definition of love… OR when in Titanic Jack tells rose “You jump, I jump!’ was the perfect expression of love than saying “I love you”  a million times.

She was grown up seeing highly emotional bollywood flicks, her teenage went reading Mills & boon and by the time she crossed her teenage, she was sure enough that love was not made for her.

“If I were to be blessed with love. Someone would have already landed up by now.” She used to think.

She was totally convinced that arranged marriage is for her.

“Probably that’s why I never got indulged in any relationship. It’s cause my husband is going to be my first and the last”  The thought looked beautiful to her and she started feeling special.

She did have regular crushes… but those used to get crushed even before she could talk to those guys. Something, somewhere always went wrong.

By the time she came of age for marriage, she had seen a lot of failed marriages, love affairs. and relationships around her. It scared her to be with someone now. She had lost all the interest in love or marriage.

“What is the use of loveless marriages. People do not love in these times. Marriage brings only more and more tensions” She would tell everyone

“Perhaps I was chosen to be nun”, She used to wonder. “I am born to serve the God. and I will be the bride of God”

Throughout everything, all her mistakes, sins, wrongdoings, her faults… God kept her protected. She was indeed HIS special child.

Days went, things changed… she got independent… but her thoughts on love and marriage became worst than before.

“How will I know if I love my guy? what if I never fall for my husband? what if I fall for someone else after I get married to someone?” Such thoughts would make her mad.

Every girl on this planet wants her man to be just like her father. Even she dreamed for the same. She did not imagine HIM to be tall, dark and handsome like all the love stories describe the hero to be. All she looked was for a simple, humble, honest guy. And she did not know when will he just bump into her life.

No thunderstorm, no lightening…  no magical moments… absolutely nothing of that sort happened, when she first encountered him. Still, she remembered each moment of that first meeting like it was the most beautiful event of her life ever. Like God had planned that meeting, even before she was born.

It was on social forum that she met him first. In fact, she hated him the most when she first talked with him. They fought on some childish topic and she created an image of him in jiffy.

“A typical, self obsessed, over smart, arrogant and self centered guy.. in short… a complete ass” she muttered

Everyone around her told her to be away from him, “He is just a headache. Avoid him” one friend warned her.

Time was passing, she did not know where the life was taking her.. she was flowing freely… life seemed beautiful even after all the ups and downs.

While, she deep down inside still believed in true love, it was still an alien emotion to her.. She was happier in her own world, her family, friends and work was her perfect life and she did not look for any other thing. She would help everyone beyond limits… without even a second thought. Even if people would take advantage of her kindness, innocence and simplicity, she kept herself the way she was. “be happy and make others happy” was her motto of life.

But the volcano of emotions had to erupt… and his charm,  the charm that she could not escape, had to change her life forever. Life comes down to the series of key moments… this was the moment she was waiting for since eternity, even before she was born… even before the universe was created.

One negative thought shared on facebook, brought biggest change in her life. She hardly knew him but he was furious, so angry on her for sharing it that he called her a failure. She was shocked “Who the hell is this guy? I do not even know him and he is calling me a failure? what does he know about me?” She asked herself.

His rude, harsh, and disgusting way infused new spirits within her.This brought her a great sense of respect for him. She started following him blindly, if he would tell her that “this apple is not an apple but a banana” she would believe him.

She confided in him… admired him… adored him madly. She would go gaga over him everywhere.

If he was calm and gentle or rough and rude. None could judge. “His way of showing affection and care is also like him, rude!” She thought

She understood, that beneath that strong, arrogant, self obsessed skin was a guy with warm heart. His own defeats and battles in life had made him tough enough to handle this world. She saw the same emptiness in his, which she had within her.

She did not realize when and how he became an important part of her life.

She would regularly talk with him now, discuss her craziest thoughts ever… all her queries, her doubts, her confusions had only one answer: HE. She would not even think twice before saying anything in front of him. His presence was more than enough for her to be completely confident of life and her universe.

Whenever she would fight with him, she would cry whole night not knowing whether it is because she hurt him or she hurt herself? Totally clueless.

She would get furious now if someone would say even a single word against him. “Yes of course I can say thing to him. I know him. But I can not tolerate people talking shit about him.” she told a mutual friend once.

Everything seemed beautiful, she would share each and every detail of her life with him… and it made her feel amazingly beautiful that how could she feel like a kite without a string. Like a little cranky kid at the same time a matured woman with him. It was a feeling of total completeness.

Almost everything around was nudging her towards him. She still did not want to be married or be with somebody. She was enjoying every bit of life without knowing what lies ahead.

Here, her parents were worried for her future as she would never show interest in any of the guys they would show her. She would always find one reason or the other to say no to them and they would easily give up as they loved her so much.

They say, change is the only constant thing, therefore, even she could not abscond it.

He informed her, he is getting married. Marriage?… thas one word she loathed. She felt terribly jealous, insecure and disheartened.

She was confused… totally baffled with her own behaviour. She did not want to marry anyone, neither she wanted him to be married. Yes, she did want him to be happy, but she did not want to lose him, the feeling of depart just torned apart her soul completely. She felt as if an eternal part of her own soul is taken away from her. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She asked herself angrily.

Her soul replied to her:
It is called love. Love for someone you never felt before. Your dedication and determination which you never had for someone before.

She resisted:
No! it can not be love, we do not fall in love just like that.

Soul: How do we fall in love?

She: We fall in love with someone we spend time, we know completely, even when they irritate us so much we just can not be mad at them for longer cause the bonding is stronger and with each fight its goes stronger and stronger. Someone, we trust completely and blindly, we know he is the only one we can tolerate for lifetime and someone for whom we can fight with even God.

Soul: And so? you know the answer. It is love through and through.

Her own answer made her cry… she knew she fell for him.

She: But, I do not want to create problems in his life. He deserves better.

Soul: So, you think, you are not worth fighting for? If you would not value your own emotions, how can you expect him to value them?

Her first promise of not falling in love with anyone was broken. She felt disastrous.

It was her first love, she did not know how to explain or tell it to him. Even if she wanted to, something within her would hold her back.

“I do not want to create problems in life. Let him get married and I will get married to somebody. Life will be beautiful” She consoled herself.

But, her own heart was deceiving her, she could not stand it any longer. Her own first love was slipping away, “Why am i stuck here God! Why this now?” She pleaded to God.

And she lost the battle within her, she broke her second promise. Promise of not letting her love know about her emotions. The volcano of emotions erupted. She could not hold herself back…She told him what she really felt for him without thinking of the consequences.

Her own first love, did never love her. She knew it all but she could not help herself from telling him. Her own heart was sinking. He never loved was the end of the story. What should she do now? Where shall she go? Who to blame or whom to get angry on? She lost her very own battle of love. Not because she was incompetent, because life did not give her a chance to even fight. She lost within and without.

Whenever she would face mirror, she could not help but curse herself… pity her own state. She would pacify herself and besides everything ask for forgiveness from God. She would cry every night cleansing her soul. Even when she knew he never loved her, she could not help but fall for him even more… it was an untamed force.

She would cry, repent, regret…  would ask herself the same question zillion times and each time the heart would reply: “Your love is greatest of all, even when it is unrequited. Your emotions do not lose value even when they’re one sided. Each emotion has its meaning. Never regret what you did for someone. Love is something where you can be completely illogical, foolish, crazy and mad. There are other things in life to show your sophistication. Love has to be childish and crazy. Cause if you can control it, its not love.”

Once someone made fun of her feelings and all she could reply was: “Yes I loved, I loved so deeply, so dearly, so insanely that when my love told he is getting married to someone else. I was hurt, I felt so miserable and so very insignificant that I cried… I cried for God knows how many days, weeks or months until I could cry no longer. Everything I do is so irrelevant & meaningless.” The friend obviously did not understand what she meant.

Time passed, she had to rekindle the fire for living that she had known long before she met him. She needed to move ahead, “Do not worry for the results, just keep fighting” She told herself.

“Remember I used to say, “I can do anything to make him happy” Here it is, accept his decision and make him happy, I can not blame him for not loving me. You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them; learn that no matter how much you care, some people just don’t care back; And it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself… no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. Learn that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.” She pacified herself

“No anger, no hate and no more blaming. learn that we are not good or bad, we are good and bad.” She reminded herself.

Her broken spirit slowly started to heal.

“It’s a phase, it will teach you love through pain… And, even when it hurts so much…. even in its worst form.. Love is amazingly beautiful… God blessed you with the glory of love.. he poured the greatest emotion on you. God loves you… he was with you when you cried in the nights…  even when you got angry on him… fought with him..  He gave you the strength and power to endure everything. He made you strong and brave. And through this phase, you will know how divine love could be… even when it is terribly complicated.” She told herself

“I should be thankful to God that he chose the best person in the whole Universe to take me through this experience. I experienced love through pain and it still makes me feel beautiful.” She told herself

Some love stories have happy ending, even this one has… no matter if its just a one sided love. It is indeed a happy ending.

“I loved him is an understatement. Even zillion pages can not explain my love for him. How could I confine this greatest emotion in just four letters L-O-V-E. My ashes will be thankful to God and to him.” She would say. She felt glad that she went through love and the medium was him. He played his part in her life. He taught her the greatest emotion a human being can ever go through: LOVE.

She lived happily ever after. and whenever someone would ask her about her story she would say: “Yes! I love” and think “but, He did not!”

P.S This post is dedicated to all the mentals like me 😛

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